Bend, Don’t Break: The Art of Resilient Flexibility
You cannot THINK your way into a beautiful blend of resilience and flexibility. You need to live it, breathe it, practice it.
We love a good leadership buzzword, don’t we? Resilience. Flexibility. Adaptability. All very serious, very worthy. But let’s be honest, when life decides to throw its weight around - when deadlines pile up, when unexpected challenges sneak up and smack us in the face - all the TED Talks in the world won’t help if we’re standing there, stiff as an old oak, refusing to bend.
Here’s the deal: resilience is not about gritting your teeth and powering through like some over-caffeinated warrior (cue me in the early days of soldiering!!) And flexibility isn’t about being a human jellyfish, wobbling and floating wherever the current takes you. The magic, the real embodied strength, comes in blending the two.
So how do we build a body (not just a mindset, but a body) that can hold both resilience and flexibility? Because let’s be clear—you cannot think your way into either one. You have to live it. Breathe it. Practice it.
The Rigidity Trap: When Resilience Becomes Resistance
Think about a time when life took a turn down the ‘challenge, discomfort, pressure’ road. Did you push through, standing firm in the face of adversity? It is an option. I had (and still sometimes have) a body like that, and it has served me well… sometimes. But if you recognise this in yourself too, do you also notice where you start to hold tension?
Is your jaw clenched? Shoulders up near your ears? Holding your breath like you’re bracing for impact? That’s the telltale sign of too much resilience, when standing strong morphs into outright rigidity.
We’ve all been there. We push on, refusing to yield, convinced that anything less than full endurance is failure. The problem? A body that never bends eventually breaks. Cue burnout, injury, exhaustion. Resilience without flexibility can be a road to collapse if you don’t catch yourself in this space.
The Wobble Factor: When Flexibility Lacks Stability
On the flip side, we’ve all seen what happens when flexibility runs the show without resilience. Ever been in a space where you’re constantly adapting, shifting, pivoting—so much so that you never actually land anywhere? That’s the downside of unchecked flexibility: you risk becoming untethered, constantly adjusting without ever feeling solid in yourself.
In a high-pressure moment, whether it’s a difficult conversation, a major decision, or just one of those days, if you lack a stable core, your body will let you know. You might feel a lack of grounding, that anxious energy that makes you lean too far forward, unable to hold your own shape.
This isn’t about being weak, it’s about lacking the anchor to hold the movement. Flexibility without resilience leads to instability.
Bamboo Knows Best: The Blend of Strength and Flow
I love taking a bit of a life lesson from bamboo. (I am guessing it might just be me, but does anyone else get a vision of Dick Van Dyke in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang singing “Me Ol’ Bam-Boo”? Ok. Just me then!!)
Anyway, back to bamboo. It stands tall, deeply rooted, unshaken by storms AND it bends, sways, moves with the wind. It doesn’t snap under pressure, and it also doesn’t stand so stiffly that it resists what comes.
That’s the goal. To stand solid but adaptable. To recover quickly when we’re knocked sideways. To develop a body that can absorb stress and still move.
Embodied Practices: Living Resilient Flexibility
If we want resilience and flexibility to show up when we need them most, we have to practice them in the body. Here are a few ways to build both:
1. The Grounded Leader: Strength Under Pressure
Before a high-stakes moment, whether it’s a tough conversation, a big meeting, or just Monday, practice this:
Stand with feet hip-width apart, knees soft.
Imagine roots growing from your feet, anchoring you.
Inhale deeply into your belly, feeling yourself expand.
Exhale fully, grounding deeper into your stance.
Repeat 3 times. Feel the steadiness.
This gives you resilience, the ability to hold yourself steady. No collapsing. No tension overload. Just presence.
2. The Breath of Adaptability: Flexibility in Action
When you feel the heat rising, when your brain is spiralling into ‘oh hell no’ territory, try this:
Inhale through your nose for 4 counts.
Hold gently for 2.
Exhale slowly for 6-8 counts.
Repeat for a minute.
This slows reactivity, allowing flexibility of thought. It softens the fight-or-flight response and brings you back to choice, not just instinct.
3. The Somatic Reset: Shake It Off (Literally)
Ever notice how animals shake after stress? They’re releasing tension. We should take notes.
Stand up and gently bounce your knees.
Shake out your hands, arms, shoulders.
If possible, exhale with a sigh or sound.
30 seconds is enough to reset your nervous system.
This prevents stress from storing in the body, so you can return to flexibility rather than carrying rigidity forward.
4. Adaptive Spine: Owning Your Back Body
So many of us lean forward, trying to get ahead. Or we lean away, avoiding discomfort. Instead, try:
Sitting or standing tall but relaxed.
Noticing your back body—your spine, shoulders, the space behind you.
Breathing into that space, feeling both support and freedom.
This helps balance resilience (stability) with flexibility (openness).
Resilience & Flexibility: A Practice, Not a Personality Trait
It’s easy to think of these as traits … "I’m just not flexible," "I’m just not resilient enough." Nope. These are trainable. They live in the body, and they can be built like any other skill.
So next time life throws a curveball, check in with yourself:
Are you bracing? Too rigid? Maybe it’s time to soften.
Are you wobbling? Lacking an anchor? Maybe it’s time to root down.
Small adjustments make a difference. This isn’t about getting it perfect; it’s about learning to notice, shift, and practice daily, even in tiny ways.
Because in the end, the leaders—the humans—who navigate life best aren’t the ones who bulldoze through or sway without direction.
They’re the ones who, like bamboo, stand strong and move with the wind.
What’s one small way you can embody resilience and flexibility today? Maybe it’s as simple as standing a little taller, breathing a little deeper, or remembering that you don’t have to do it all at once. Little by little, the practice takes root.
Bobby Davis is a qualified executive and team coach with extensive experience in organisational development, business change (the people angle), human resources and personal leadership.
Her coaching experience is against a backdrop of 30+ years working in managerial and human resources/OD roles in the British Army, Not for Profits, Professional Services and most recently with a private equity owned Hotel Group.
She has led the People “strand” within large business transformation programmes, creating people strategies, internal coaching schemes and embedding strong performance cultures, as well as supporting at all levels of an organisation to implement effective change.
She is absolutely passionate in her pursuit to support, challenge and deliver sustainable change for individuals, teams and organisations, one person at a time if necessary!
You can catch her for a chat about coaching, using your body better as a leader and/or supporting you in HR/OD here Bobby Davis FCIPD PCC | LinkedIn
And check out her dulcet tones in “More Than A Lumpy Jumper” - Conversations about Leadership, Life and Learning here More Than a Lumpy Jumper | Podcast on Spotify
